How was your day ?

I hate this question, I hate this question almost as much as I hate managers who don’t understand code, so here’s my answer:

6:00 AM: Get up, must exercise today, looking more and more like the Indian uncles at work.

6:01 AM: F**k it, I’ll go tomorrow.

8:00 AM: Get up, check email / rss: new Harsha Bhogle article!, score. The day’s only gonna get worse from here.

8:10 AM: Shower / Shave / Leave for work.

8:30 AM: Get in, promise yourself that’ll you’ll get some work done today.

8.31 AM: Facebook! Joy of joys: 33% of desi friends went camping and feel “re-energized” 25% of desi friends went to an AR Rehman concert that “rocked” 20% of desi friends went to a potluck where the food was “yummy” 22% of desi chicks got married / engaged to rich NRI dudes 4 years older than you (at this point you promise never never to turn into “that” guy).

8:40 AM: Check work email: good day, broke only 3 things in production, maybe I’ll get a bonus this year.

8.50 AM: Try to organize yourself like the white guys: use post its!

9:00 AM: Status meeting: Repeat what you did last day in different words and thank God your desi manager doesn’t understand words longer than 6 characters but is too proud to admit this.

9:20 AM: Check the papers: damn that Maureen Dowd is a fox. Friedman is too bullish on India for his own good. The Economist continues to make sense. Read Harsha Bhogle article again (aah – heaven).

9:30 AM: Check work email: damn it! idiot chick who joined with you got promoted. Curse silently and update your resume. Search for jobs on Linked In for 30 minutes.

10:00 AM: Realize that you don’t have any new skills from the past year. Promise yourself to actually complete something and “show them”. Start coding

10:15 AM: You’re in the zone now. Headphones, Code and you, this is like a Basketball, the Playoffs and Ray Allen.

10:30 AM: Future ideal son in law on iyengarmatrimony.com comes by your desk and says: “Dude, you didn’t come to the AR Rehman concert did you ? It rocked!”.

10:40 AM: Nod and listen politely while thinking of interesting ways of mutilating the person in front of you.

11:00 AM: Now, back to the zone: Get an hour of work done.

12:00 AM: Lunch. Plan “exit strategy” to become “king” in India. Real estate baby, that’s the shit.

01:00 PM: Design meeting. Should have read the design patterns book. Promise to do this and contribute from next time.

2:00 PM: One on One with manager you don’t respect. Feedback not good: you should speak up more and interact with your colleagues more. Your attitude is wrong. I think: “F**k you”, nod politely and smile. Another person to short when I start my hedge fund.

2:30 PM: Check e-trade, damn it! RSU’s won’t vest for another month.

2:40 PM: Code baby Code. Pandora, Code and Me – the holy trinity.

3:40 PM: Coffee with real friend. “Really da ? ***sys isn’t hiring, dude, how will we go home man ?”

4:00 PM: Log onto chat. Aah, best friend from India is on support duty for his company and has found proxy!. Whine, bitch, moan and curse for the next half hour about state of the world.

4:30 PM: Ping pong. Show the chinki’s whose boss. (they are btw).

5:00 PM: Make sure manager sees you coding while he walks out. Yep, you’re sure as f**k getting a bonus this year. Damn it feels good to be a banker errr sorry coder.

6:00 PM: Desi Uncle passes you by on the way out, invites you to daughter’s Tamil Association of Santa Clara recital. Promise to go. Promise to kill yourself after.

6:30 PM: Get home. Shower.

6:50 PM: Dinner in front of TV with room mate

8:00 PM: Start reading design patterns book, promote me now!

8:15 PM: Stop reading design patterns book, workaholics are losers anyways.

8:16 PM: Need to do something else constructive now. One game of Halo won’t hurt.

10:30 PM: Reenergized baby! Now that it’s out of your system, you can focus.

10:36 PM: Must watch Jackie Chan movie: drunken monkey on cable. Good times.

12:15 AM: Ahh nice. You too shall be disciplined like the Chan from tomorrow.

12:30 AM: Sleep, but not before mentally updating your people to f**k list when you start that hedge fund …..

Damn you Facebook, damn you.

‘Sup dawgs ?

Random facebook rant: like most of my posts this applies to nouveau riche Indian MS students:

* Don’t for God’s sake post football scores as your damn status message, we all know how to use google and we know you’re a real fan but still

* Don’t tell me what an awesome weekend you had while seeing Big Sur, seriously dude, what exactly was *so* awesome that you just have to brag about it

* Do not pose for photos, you are not a model

* Do not take fb quizes please, please and don’t recommend I take them EVER

* Level of wannabe-ness = no. of fb status updates *after* getting a job / no. of fb status updates *before* getting a job

* Yes, you’re hooking up with random hotties in clubs, we know we know, great job! you’re awesome!

* You also have white friends, wow!

* Don’t go “camping”, order pizza and update your status saying what an appreciation you have for the great outdoors

* Don’t assume people who aren’t active on FB are losers, they’re probably doing more productive things with their time: like studying yield curves

* In short, don’t use facebook, use email.

* Add me on Facebook!